Journey Back to Self

Updated: Nov 16, 2020

The inner turmoil that could not be ignored. Something in me would not allow me to live a life of disappointment and unhappiness. It was time to nurture my authentic self and again experience self-reliance.

I am reminded that we are spiritual beings experiencing the physical life we live to impact and uplift humanity.

My personal truth, self-reliance means allowing ourselves to be guided by our inner wisdom (our spirit). I am reminded that we are spiritual beings experiencing the physical life we live to impact and uplift humanity.

Allow me to take you back into time, as I have come to gain a deeper perspective once I took the time to look back and question myself…

I’ve always been highly spiritual innately and I feel like my spirit was present in raising me. I remember most how I would have strong internal convictions not to follow my peers and do things I had no business doing. I knew to speak forth what I desired at a young age and detach from it, as it would arrive when the time was right.

My first significant ask was I want a husband that loves God (he had to be spiritual) a son and a daughter. My husband ended up being my high school sweetheart and I knew pretty quickly that he was made especially for me. My children are amazing people, both hyper-aware innately of the importance of doing good and being good people. Blessed!!!

I have gone through this life on my own terms ever since I was a toddler (per my mom) because I did not care for authority (I’m still learning why). I was always spontaneous, adventurous, and a major risk-taker. I can live in a world of duality where I am a fearless warrior ready and willing to conquer and/or deathly afraid to do what’s in MY best interest to the point of paralyzation. This recurring exercise is frustrating, to say the least. Nonetheless, somehow I always know the vision I had as a child for my life would eventually become my reality.

In high school I became bored and looking back I understand that I wanted to be seen, cared for, and personally challenged. I was missing the individual attention I was craving in the academic setting. So, I dropped out of high school to pursue what I wanted, as usual.

Fast Forward to Jan. 2017

My husband and I open a barber college, the second to exist in our state’s history. I had made small investments in myself once I became a mother and wife instead of nurturing and truly loving myself to remain a whole and full woman. I poured everything into my family and in building and planning for our family businesses. Everything was going great and solid foundations had been laid within my children and businesses. This was about the time it HIT ME. I had accomplished everything I set out to do, but why am I not happy and 100% fulfilled? I was tired and nearly at the point of depletion. I was not nurturing myself as a woman (the woman of my household). One of my parental goals was to take my children out of the country to a tropical destination. I was planning for the 2018 winter break. Until it became apparent that I was not going to be able to pull it off. I was very upset, but mostly because I felt it was what I needed. Mind you, for the last few years I had slipped into a space of not hearing my inner wisdom or maybe I was too busy working towards my goals I had a limited capacity to hear. The seed was planted that I should travel solo, shortly after I was flooded with guilt, doubt, and the fear of the unknown. I kept hearing “go by yourself”. I had a knowing that I needed to get back in touch with myself and I needed to move into the space of; I AM enough, I AM worthy, don’t allow the feeling of guilt in and finally I can and need to solely rely on myself outside of my comfort zone. One might think that would be enough, but I kept battling internally because I am so stubborn and hard-headed. Two things happened that forced me to let go of the guilt, doubt, and fear of the unknown…

  1. My husband nearly ripped the front of my car off (short story...I didn’t listen to myself and stay behind the UHaul I just had to pass him)

  2. I experienced an inner battle that caused me great turmoil, which felt like internal chaos. I knew that if I did not take this solo trip I would live a miserable life (not an option for me) in addition I had this very strong knowing that something BIG was on the horizon and I would need to be ready for it.

With that, I trusted my higher self and purchased one ticket to the DR (Dominican Republic). I was extremely thankful that my soul was drawn to such beauty and bliss to begin my restorative work, and that it was not taking no for an answer. If I had not listened to the direction of my inner wisdom, come to find out is all-knowing. I have no idea what state of mind I would currently have. The process of evolving and becoming better versions of ourselves is continuous, I have learned we will never arrive.

Fast Forward 2020

We are in the midst of a global pandemic. US cities have shut down and mandated people to stay home and self-quarantine. We have 4 storefronts mandated to cease operations indefinitely.

9 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All